


Fake out

by violetjosh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eating Disorder, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, YouTubers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 21:19:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12541456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetjosh/pseuds/violetjosh
Summary: "I’m going back to playing the sims now." Tyler says but not before going to his twitch settings and adjusting the chat so the name Josh Dun is blocked.He doesn't want to add to the hate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been working on this since September. And finally I’ve pre-written nearly the whole thing. Originally this was going to be a oneshot but I’ve changed my mind <3

 

Tyler's camera is a canon, he's not exactly sure of the model, nor does he care as he sets it atop it's nearly broken tripod.

He's lucky it came with one because otherwise, he'd be in the midst of stacking up thick books so his camera would hit the right angle. That's what he used to do before he could afford a proper camera except he was using mix of random things he could find in his bedroom instead of books.

He loves his tripod but he can't wait to get a new one, just like he can't wait to get a new camera.

  
His set up is the same for every video. His back wall had a pride flag hung up which had been his back splash for his first three videos. He took it down later, it was too distracting and sure he was out but god he could not escape that flag. It didn't help that it could never stay hung up properly. He'd taken off all posters too. His wall was bare.

Today's video in his opinion is a boring one. It's not that he's boring, he doesn't think he is but he doesn't think he's very creative so naturally, Tyler is less enthusiastic as he introduces himself like always.

"Hey, it's Ty." His tone is always the same, he's always atop his bed, camera on a tripod, legs folded, loose sweater eating him and his smile is only just slightly forced.

He loves his job.

*

Tyler posts song covers, voice sweet with his ukelele in his lap. He posts art videos, sketchbook tours, short films. He posts things that make him happy with the occasional story time or educational video fixed into the mix.

He doesn't know how on earth he'd gotten hundreds of thousands of people to follow him just off of that.

His youtube channel has 43,000 subscribers, more or less collected within the span of a year and a half. It's a goal he's just recently hit so really he's got more than 43,000.

Numbers are something he rarely pays attention to though, although he does address his channel growth in a video titled 'Vlog II.'

He was outside, in his parent's backyard, sitting, more so lounging on a canopy, legs crossed over. Big loose sweater, loose sweatpants, cheeks sunken, nose red. He was sniffling too, maybe it was because of the breeze.

He was holding his camera above him, his uke, small and polished on his stomach. Delving in the space between his hip bones. Recording at an angle where he'd definitely break his nose if he dropped his camera.

It's vlogging, well that's what he had been trying to do, trying to vlog.

He hadn't been fully comfortable with recording his days but he enjoyed it. It's a style that's different from his usual video format. Vlogging is raw, vlogging is unedited and he likes it for that reason. People watch even if he's not doing anything. They like him. They like him.

His first vlog was boring when he rewatched it just to make sure it was worthy to accompany the mantra of videos already invading his youtube channel. It was of him outside, walking through a forest. Every step he took was loud and the camera picked up the noise perfectly. There was a small amount of humming and a small amount of talking and he had refused to read any comments left on that one after he'd posted it.

This second one was exciting, he was trying to be enthusiastic about his subscriber count. He was smiling and talking about how he was grateful for them all, albeit ignoring most of his fans on all platforms of social media and keeping all interactions minimal. The most interaction he had with his fans was the occasional live stream.

Vlog II ended with him playing a bit of ukulele.

*

Tyler's pride flag is loosely wrapped around his shoulders, a pin holding it together like a cape when he films a Q&A for the first time.

He'd put it off for months knowing that his comment section was full of people asking for him to film something answering their questions. He put it off because he didn't want that type of interaction, he didn't want attention.

He has his windows blinds open wide, natural light shining on him. Skin mostly clear other than a few acne scars he'd cleverly covered in his sister's concealer because he needed to portray what he didn't have.

His announcement that he'd be filming a q&a was at the end of his last video. A video that features not him but everything else.

its scenery from a small hiking trail with music overlaid on top of the film and Tyler was proud when he gathered all the clips together and titled it 'I can walk" and he'd been prouder when he put in a slide at the end captioned 'leave all your questions down below or on my newest Instagram post. q&a going up tomorrow."

Questions are left not only on his Instagram and youtube but everywhere else. He hadn't been this overwhelmed solely on comments before and it was pushing his boundaries but he's proud that he's doing this no matter how much he doesn't really want to.

He deletes every question that involves family members, friends, his body, his diet and his appearance.

He answers questions involving music, photography and things he likes and he answers them with a small smile and a shaky voice that same day.

"Debby R asks 'do you garden?'" Tyler bites his tongue in laughter, head shaking because Tyler doesn't do anything except lay in bed and make videos, most he doesn't even end up posting.

"No, definitely not." He says, he's still laughing, a hand clutching his phone, body tilting before he adds on "I honestly can't even take care of myself, let alone plants."

He'll edit the last part out.

"Would you ever dye your hair?" Is another question that has him laughing.

"No, no that's an awful Idea. Knowing myself I'd damage it so badly it would fall out and I don't think it would suit me." He says in disbelief, fingers clasped together in his lap.

"Brendon Urie asks how do you feel about Josh Dun?" Tyler repeats the question off his phone before returning to look at his camera. Brendon's comment has 200 likes.

He avoids making complete eye contact with the lens.

"Who's Josh Dun?" He asks to no one.

"I've never heard of him." He shrugs.

"His name sounds douchey."

The question is forgotten as he scrolls through more, not filtering his answers which only makes more work for him later when he decides to edit.

*

He live streams later the next day. All notifications off on his phone. He hates reading comments.

The dim light from his one lamp is the only lighting he has along with the white of his laptop screen.

He's feeling good, when he feels good he gets on twitch and posts a link to it on every platform he has an account on.

Join me i'm bored! is a translation for I need a distraction!

His view count is shy of a thousand, the site may be glitching and he pays no mind to people investing money into his stream. He gets new subscriptions but he doesn't pay mind either.

His laptop screen is connected to the stream, face in a little box.

"Should I become a react channel?" He giggles, pressing down on his mouse as he types in youtube to the search bar. This is okay, live streaming is okay.

Comments swarm with yes along with youtubers and music to react to. For a youtuber he barely watches other content creators, he doesn't know who half of the people popping up on screen are.

Tyler only reads a few and rolls his eyes when someone comments he's adorable. He's not, he's not.

He knows he's not. His hair is covered by a beanie, he's lying down on his bed, a mouse pad set beside his laptop for his wireless mouse. His acne is on full display and if his webcam was better and the lighting was brighter his blackheads would be visible.

He's not cute.

He reacts to a few music videos first, completely ignoring the comment section as he delves in. He doesn't comment very much on what's going on, his facial reactions are enough to indicate his opinion along with the gentle nod of his head.

When his comment section turns to Josh Dun and the word scandal he furrows his brows, he changes the subject.

"Did you guys like my Q&A? It's not really my normal style of video." He's playing The Sims 4 at this point, from a request. It's slow on his laptop, it's lagging just a bit from the copious amount of programs and pictures he has on his laptop. he's smiling as he adjusts his sims face and gives her a beanie much like his own.

He minimizes the tab to view to comments while biting the inside of his cheek.

A furrow of yes's are in the comments once more and Tyler hums as he reads over a few reluctantly.

"Wear your pride flag again." he repeats from a comment, face lighting up at the mention of his flag that he'd left on his couch.

"As a cape?" he asks to his audience knowing exactly what they were implying. A flurry of the word yes please invades the screen.

"Be right back."

Pride flag on his shoulders again he's playing the Sims still, flopped on his stomach, legs kicking back in the space around him. Comment section forgotten as he plays. He feels good albeit having felt disgusting right before starting his stream.

Time passes as he makes a family of four and then gets bored and checks the comment section. His Viewers are on about Josh Dun again and Tyler isn't sure whether to be annoyed or intrigued by how much he's being spoken about.

"You want me to react to Josh Dun?" He asks, he's already saving his sims and exiting the game so he can open up google.

 _YesYesYes_.

"I'll do it." So he does, tongue caught between his teeth, he types in Josh Dun in the youtube search bar. Excited? He's excited to figure out why his followers? fans? he doesn't know what to call them but he wants to know why they want him knowing of Josh Dun.

He pops up right away. Josh Dun, 125 videos, 643,000 subscribers. His profile picture is a faded selfie, light pink hair, hazel eyes, Tyler gulps, squints and he double clicks the small picture.

His audience is wondering what he thinks. Tyler doesn't know yet, Josh is cute though.

Josh's channel is organized. All his thumbnails match, white frame, same filter on matching pictures. His titles are all in lower case and he has one million subscribers. Tyler isn't jealous.

He reads over titles. Challenge videos, a lot of collaborations, story times, some drumming videos, covers. Tyler thinks that's pretty cool.

Tyler pays no mind to the chat once more.

No vlogs are on his channel. these are all scheduled videos, pre-recorded and ready to go. Tyler can tell without even watching his content.

Josh's channel isn't obnoxiously bright like his, it's faded, one of those filters and Tyler likes it. It suits his aesthetic. He wants his channel to look like this.

"This is him right?" He glances into the web camera and then into the overwhelming chat of fans? fans. They say yes.

"What do I watch?" He asks eyes narrowed to the chat. This is okay.

His most viewed video is the one they all suggest. He finds it when he filters his videos by the most viewed to the least.

12 drums, 12 places | josh dun

Tyler's view count goes up to 2,000.

He smiles and pulls the video into full screen, chat now blocked out.

The frame is centered and the video is by far the most gorgeous thing Tyler has ever seen. The title is true to its name, Josh drums something Tyler doesn't recognize, clips cutting between different locations and the scenery is unrecognizable to Tyler but he's in awe. He's not sure how Josh managed this, 12 whole drum sets, set up in impossible places sounding absolutely perfect. All the clips mesh together and Tyler has never appreciated something more.

He's outside, his hair isn't pink but blue instead and he's twirling matching blue drumsticks around his fingers before hitting his drums hard.

It's a bit pretentious, it's ambitious and Tyler can understand why it's so viewed.

"This is cool." He says to himself more than his viewers. Josh Dun is admirable and Tyler thinks he's pretty for a guy. He's shirtless in some clips, he's sweaty and he's hitting his drums hard and Tyler could nearly drool.

Resting his hands on his chin he watches, smiling at the video. He's talented and when the video is over he's in a better mood.

The comments run. Apparently, Tyler is in love with Josh Dun now, I ship it someone else says. Tyler laughs.

"What's next?"

Suggestions pile in along with more views, Josh Dun is a topic of conversation. His phone is buzzing a few feet away.

Tyler's not sure if he likes Josh yet.

By popular request he watches more drumming videos, Josh makes a lasting impression on Tyler as a talented drummer and as some type of perfectionist.

"He's really good." Is all Tyler says, his facial expression indicating otherwise. He is impressed though, he does think Josh is good but he wants to see more than him drumming. So far he hasn't heard him talk once, there's slides at the begging of his videos indicating what song he'd be covering but that was it.

He pauses the video. "What're his best non-drumming videos?"

They tell him. Tyler can see his fans are also fans of Josh, it's obvious. Recommendations are being typed quickly and the chat is rolling fast. The word scandal is now making its appearance again and Tyler isn't sure what that means.

  
The next video chosen by Tyler's fans is titled prank wars, it's ten minutes long and it's not posted on josh's channel but on a third party website. It's a deleted video and the link gets spammed in the chat to the point that the livestream lags.

It's a leaked video that was never supposed to reach the air.

The chat is saying this isn't Josh's best moment. They say there was a lot of drama around the video. Someone says the tea was spilled and Tyler can't help but laugh. Drama follows having a large following, not that he's been hit by drama and not that he has a huge following although 43,000 isn't necessarily small.

The video is like the others, filter placed over the video, Tyler guesses it's a filter built into the camera. Josh is talking this time and his hair is bright red. His filming spot is much like Tyler's, bare walls, clean bed, natural lighting.

 

The Josh on the screen looks happy. Tyler leans on the palms of his hands.

"Hey, it's Josh. I'm skipping the long intro today." His voice is just as attractive as the rest of him and Tyler takes off his beanie as Josh starts talking to the camera again. "My best friend's boyfriend wants to prank him, so I have volunteered as tribute." He laughs, head thrown back.

He goes on about the prank, they're supposed to lie in bed together. Clothes off except for boxer briefs. Josh seems nervous but he's still smiling as he explains the prank and says he already feels bad but Ryan, his best friend, had pranked Brendon in a similar way before. Tyler finds him cute and finds the prank stupid. He can't see the comments for his stream but he doesn't really want to.

The screen cuts to Brendon (presumably), dark hair quipped up, thick glasses and Josh.

Tyler's live comment section is thriving as he watches the scene unfold. The two are laughing, saying Ryan is supposed to be home in half and hour maybe earlier.

"I have a feeling he'll know it's a prank the second he walks in." Brendon says.

Another minute passes of them talking and explaining how they'll make it seem like they're kissing, Josh looks confused but then Tyler's jaw drops.

Brendon is kissing Josh and Josh is kissing back, pinned to the wall. Josh looks shocked, Josh seems very aware of the camera still but Brendon doesn't even care and Josh doesn't stop him.

Tyler whirls.

"Wait what the." Comments explode in hopes of clearing up the situation.

They're on the bed, Josh's shirt is off, hes glancing at the door, Brendon is on his neck and Tyler pauses the video and takes a deep breath. Maybe that's why the video was never posted. That sounds about right.

"Does this turn into a sex tape or some shit?" He asks, minimizing the video to look at the comments. The stream is up to 5,000 people now. People are sharing it, others are recording it to be reposted the next day as Tyler Joseph reacting to Josh Dun scandal.

_yes, they get caught._

"So it started as a prank, turned into a sex tape and got leaked?"

_yesyesyes._

_its been reposted on pornhub ;)_

"Thats shitty. I- wow."

the comments boom again.

_watch his most recent video. he's left youtube._

_josh is gone._

_He's a pussy, he quit youtube_

_Josh is on hiatus now :(_

"This is a mess." Tyler mutters as he gets back on youtube and types in Josh's name.

He hadn't noticed it before.

A one minute long video, sixty seconds on the dot, posted one week ago. He's hot news is Tyler's best guess, which makes sense. It's number 5 on tending.

The video starts and Tyler has never felt more invested into figuring something else. This is the damn epitome of youtube. Drama.

The video starts and Tyler's heart breaks. Josh is in a sweater and sweats, an outfit Tyler wears nearly every day. He guesses Josh had just woken up, maybe cried. His eyes are puffy and red, he looks exhausted. Rubbing at his eyes, pulling at his hair. 

"Hey guys it's Josh." He says, his voice raspy, eyes not on the camera. "I'm uh- I'm leaving for a little while. If you know what happened great, if you don't that's better."

The Josh on the screen takes a breath, he pauses and pinches at the bridge of his nose.

"There's too much hate on here, I can't take it right now. I'm not going to elaborate."

"I love you guys, this isn't a great explanation and I'm sorry."

"Bye."

Tyler is wordless. His stream is at 6,000 views and he's not sure how he feels. Josh is a good person? Josh is a shitty person? Tyler feels bad.

"I don't even know what to say." He says, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he reads the comments. His viewers aren't being nice about the situation, some are saying Josh doesn't deserve the hate he's getting and It was equal parts both of their faults and then others are saying he's a slut.

Tyler thinks he's undeserving to have so much hate, he closes the comments and doesn't press anymore about Josh Dun.

"Im going back to playing The Sims now." He says but not before going to his twitch settings and adjusting the chat so the name Josh Dun is blocked.

He doesn't want to add to the hate, his view count slowly drops and commenters still wonder what Tyler thinks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight mention of an eating disorder, it’s moreso implied with the type of behaviour x character has. 
> 
> Be safe! 
> 
> <3

Tyler's social media accounts are usually calm. The pictures that get the most attention are his occasional selfies and he posts those on all his platforms only to delete them later. His instagram feed consists of his photography.

He posts nearly every picture he takes with his camera. But really he gets a fairly decent amount of attention so when he wakes up, face stained with the folds of his pillow case to his phone buzzing he's nervous. He shouldn't be getting any notifications at all.

Tyler doesn't consider himself very good with attention, he doesn't reply to comments, he hates reading them unless he's doing a livestream. It's not even that he doesn't like his followers, he just doesn't know what to do with the attention or how to accept it. So he's radio silent.

His phone buzzes with notifications on his bed side table and his hand lazily claws around until he can feel the plastic case of his phone.

His notifications are normally off, he's not sure why his phone is buzzing but it is.

@Joshuadun: @tylerjosephh could you DM me please.

He's getting notifications for every retweet and like.

It takes him a moment for everything to click into place, realization strikes as he rolls back onto his bed, hiding underneath his covers, shivering as he clutches his phone to his chest in confusion. Josh wants to talk to him. Why? Tyler's not sure, he must've seen his stream. It only makes sense.

He falls back asleep for a few moments, anxiety biting at him, when it gets too much he takes a deep breath and finds residence underneath his blankets, this time pulling his duvet up and over his head.

He navigated through his phone until he finds twitter, it's neatly organized and it's got a flaming red 20+ right beside the small bird. Tyler bites his thumb nail before deciding that he should probably find out what's going on. He taps on his twitter handle and then goes to notifications and then he checks Josh's twitter.

Josh is following him. He stares at the follows you text encased in light grey. He stares at the all blank layout and follower count made up out of Josh's most loyal supporters.

Since when does Josh follow him? Tyler doesn't know. Anxiously he messages him.

Hi? It's all he can come up with. He goes to set his phone down but the answer is immediate and that makes everything worse, he freezes and sits up, pulling his knees to his chest and adjusting the blanket so he's covered and not cold.

_Why don't you hate me?_

Tyler frowns. _Uh, why would I?_

_Everyone else does._

_I'm not everyone else_

_you're not everyone else?_

_i'm not_

_good, that's good._

_yeah?_

_yeah._

_No offence but why did I need to message you?_

_so i could ask you my question. Tyler laughs out loud._

_that's it?_ He types, bringing up a blanket over his chin.

_that's it._

_I though you went radio silent or something?_

_I decided to just keep my twitter_

_nothing else?_

_no._

The conversation ends. Tyler feels bad so he continues.

_Also man, I really like your channel. Very pleasing to the eye._

_thanks, I like yours too_

_you watch my videos?_

_after the other day yeah. I kinda wanted to stay away from all the negativity but i indulge myself on watching other youtubers hate on me. People were linking your stream to me, thought you were about to bash me real hard._

_wow, my 'fans' think very lowly of me._

_Apparently so, you kinda seem like an asshole though :/_

_Woah. Look who's talking_

_You've got me there :)_

Tyler turns off his phone completely after that.

*

Tyler's next video is a cover of All I do and Josh is far from his mind as his practiced fingers are tight on the chords of his ukelele, he strums and his voice is just loud enough to hear properly.

Song covers aren't rare. When he's out of ideas he sings, notes high on his tongue, hair combed to the side or hidden under the hood of one of his sweaters or sometimes a beanie.

His fingers hurt after a while, he's never happy with his first take and in the end he's never able to do it in one-shot.

They're easy videos to film, he sings all the time around the house. Songs stuck in his head, rarely his own.

He's outside on his balcony for this video, shitty tripod opposite to him. His attempt to make his balcony more attractive for filming was more or less a failure. He'd had his mom buy him one of those outdoor swings And he'd hung up fairly lights around its poles.

He films a lot of covers at night on his balcony purely because it looks fucking awesome with his circle light set on low set against the railing.

This isn't an exception.

This time he's in multiple layers because he's always cold and he's shaky as he strums, legs crossed, a fluffy blanket thrown around him to keep him warm because he's freezing. His skin is ice cold, arm hairs sticking up underneath the fabric of his sweater. He shouldn't be this cold.

His voice is sweet though, albeit being slightly shaky.

Tyler doesn't sing loud, knowing his neighbors pester for noise complaints whenever he sings louder than a speaking voice. Realistically they should be getting reported for noise but Tyler's a nice guy

He strums another note and his nose sniffles. Tyler pauses and uses the sleeve of his sweater to collect the snot that was dripping onto his cupid's bow. He can edit it out later.

He smiles on the last note of the song, setting his ukulele in his lap and cradling it.

His cheeks are red from the cold, fingers tips the same shade and he is hollow.

*

 

Tyler goes to bed with a headache and wakes up nauseous.

His cure is a water, two water bottles, ice cold are now set on his bed side table as he prepares, he edits last nights footage. Sitting with his feet tucked under a blanket because his toes are cold.

Editing isn't the most annoying thing he's ever done. He barely edits anymore. He more or less just rewatches his videos and makes tiny changes to things he doesn't like instead of completely chopping up the video.

Today he edits more than usual. He deletes his intro, he looks too tired, the lighting looks bad when he's staring into the camera.

He leaves the singing footage and adds in a three-second slide to the start of the video indicating what song he'd be covering and that was that.

He's bloated with water by the time the video is up on his channel and he cries when he gets a notification from a comment.

_You look sick._

*

Josh messages him again. This time Tyler is trying to sleep curled up and freezing cold underneath his old IKEA duvet. Tyler doesn't like talking to other Youtuber's, making friends, he likes none of that but he knows of empathy and he knows Josh might need his and since he's not a complete asshole and can't fall asleep when his phone buzzes he answers right away.

 _Hey, Joseph_ is the message he gets. It's comfortable enough for him to let out a faint laugh.

 _What up Dun?_ is his crafted response. He types it out before he even processes the letters appearing on his screen.

_Kinda just watched all your videos_

_That's embarrassing_

_I'm not embarrassed :)_

_no but i am. there's some cringe ones :(_

_Don't worry, If you watch my first few videos they are all the cringe_

_Looks like I know how to spend my afternoon_

_Please don't_

_Keep an eye out for my comments._

_No you keep an eye out for my comments :)_

  
*

Tyler doesn't keep an eye out for his comments and although he wants to he can't.

He knows Josh is watching his videos, that's obvious enough, it's no secret at this point and Tyler wouldn't lie and say he hasn't been binge watching Josh's videos either exactly like he implied he would.

He starts with his first one and it's not nearly as bad as he had been previously expecting. The one thing about it was that Josh's hair was a stark curly brown and natural. his first instinct was to message Josh, since that's apparently an acceptable thing between the two now.

So he does. He messages him that he looked cute with brown hair and Josh responds with a lol and says Tyler looked cute in a floral kimono. Which was periodically what he'd worn in his very first video.

Watching Josh's videos becomes one of Tyler's many distractions for the day, he can't help himself but start the cycle of watching them all out of pure interest. It's Something new to focus on. Josh's videos were interesting and his youtube channel was a huge success and Tyler understands why, as he makes his way through every single video from start to finish.

His hair colors change frequently, every few videos it changes and Tyler can't imagine his hair is all that healthy. With each color Tyler is texting Josh, biting his cheek as he types out compliments. He hopes it's not seen as flirtatious and if it is he hopes Josh doesn't get upset with him despite knowing Josh seems to have a good temper.

 _Red suited you, change it back :(_ Is his first of many nice messages. Josh doesn't respond this time but it's un concerning to Tyler as he starts watching a new video titled 'sexuality | josh dun'

It's much more than a coming out video, it's a fucking mess of emotions and it's not Josh just explaining his experience but amongst other thing Tyler has never felt more comforted in his entire life by such simple words.

He bookmarks that video when it reaches its midway point, right when Josh is going over some coming out story of his that Tyler absolutely needs to appreciate. Tyler has the want to watch every single video Josh has posted and maybe he stays up all night doing just that and maybe he texts Josh during his water breaks.

*

Josh's social media accounts other than his twitter are completely barren and just as Tyler expected; inactive. His last instagram post was of a tree with a crooked swing screwed into a large branch. There's no caption and there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of likes which is about the same amount of likes he receives on his monthly selfie. Tyler decides not to skim through the comments, not wanting to comb into all the hate.

Josh's instagram is everything his isn't. So is his youtube channel and so is his twitter. Tyler's been through all three, scrolling down through Josh's timeline of posts.

Tyler hasn't a jealous bone in his body, Tyler is a humble youtuber. Tyler isn't jealous of Josh, maybe just his video thumbnails but even he would admit anyone would be.

He comes to the realization that maybe it's wrong or pesky to be going through everything Josh has ever done online but the tug to know every detail about him is present and Tyler can't help but be curious about who Josh is out of youtube. Who Josh is out of their short messages they share.

He intends to find out.

*

Josh messages him again for the third time at 3AM and Tyler groans at the thought of interacting with anybody. He still brings his knees to his chest and greets himself with his new favourite app. Twitter. Their relationship was only now blooming although Tyler hated to admit it.

_hey tyler_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_Josh._

_hi tyler_

_Do you think that aliens exist?_

_i guess??_

_gasp! i'm blocking you._

_i didn't say no_

_you should've said yes_

_whatever man._

_is this how you make friends?_

_is it working?_

_yes._ Tyler replies quickly.

_Then yeah. This is how i make friends._

_You know. It's 3am._

_Not where I live. It's 12_

_Come to Columbus and suffer with me. The time zone would fuck you up._

_I used to live in Columbus! My mom still lives there._

_Very smart of you to leave. It's boring here._

_I'm supposed to visit soon._

_Why?_

_Thanksgiving is coming up, I always go down._

Tyler hates thanksgiving but he doesn't say that.

_That's cool man. Text me tomorrow. I'm going to sleep._

Tyler bites chapped lips until blood is drawn. He has a friend.

*

Texting becomes a regular thing. Josh is bored, Tyler is a mess and it's a reassurance to have each other. It's stupid messages, they send memes, laughing on either side of their respective screens. Not many actual conversations of importance are held. They send weird videos to each other.

Their friendship is built on the ignorance of anything of actual importance, things are constantly left unsaid but that isn't an important factor either. They don't talk much about their lives and it's not out of discomfort but because they don't need to. Family comes up a few times. They don't get into deep talk over text, Tyler never wants to call either. He keeps at a safe distance and stations him and Josh in some limbo zone where they're almost best friends.

He doesn't want that title yet even though Josh has rightfully earned it.

Tyler complains and Josh rants about how he's being ignored by his parents but is glad to have the support of all three of his siblings.

When Tyler's upset, Josh sends him cute pictures of animals and when Josh is upset Tyler sends him videos of him signing whatever Josh wants.

Enjoying each others company over text seems to be enough, enough to the point where they move out from twitter, exchanging phone numbers and enough to the point where Josh admits with a smiley face emoji that the only reason he'd been keeping twitter was to talk to him.

Tyler grins so hard at the thought that maybe he goes pink and maybe after that he decides on drinking a diet coke.

*

Tyler streams again. Josh tells him he's definitely going to watch. He says he'll subscribe to Tyler's twitch account and that makes Tyler happy.

Nobody asks about Josh. Not enough people do to make him a topic of conversation. The chat isn't in hysterics about him anymore. They're more interested in why Tyler looks tired and what he plans on doing during the stream.

"I could sing a little bit." He suggests.

"I could draw."

"I could talk."

"I don't know. You choose. This is your stream." he says. He knows really he should've organized this a little bit better but this is for the entertainment of his fans and he's fine with doing most if not anything.

They want him to sing. Someone says his drawings are triggering and he frowns. That's not what he intended. Someone else says they're glad he posted the video and he smiles.

Tyler takes out his uke, cradling it in his arms like a baby. He strums up and down as the chat loads and takes zips from a slytherin mug filled with green tea. It's bitter, just in the slightest.

"Can't help falling in love or somewhere over the rainbow?" Is Tyler's next question, he rests his chin in the palm of his hand and reads over the chat.

He looks for Josh in the escapade of comments. Spookyjim is his twitch name. He doesn't see him.

His fans can't seem to decide. Tyler puts up a finger. "I've got an idea. Just wait."

He pulls out his phone and texts Josh.

_help. what song???_

The reply is immediate.

"Can't help falling in love." He announces.

No one is mad. They didn't really care in the long run. Just wanting him to do something more other then sit.

Tyler hopes Josh is still watching, he smiles wide as he begin's strumming. He hums and he sings, his fingers press into his ukelele's chords so hard he's sure they'd bleed if he started playing any harder.

His view count isn't very high but having Josh in there is what matters more to Tyler in that moment.

*

Tyler hears Josh, Tyler sees Josh for the first time, He smiles at him for the first time from behind his phone screen.

 _Do you think we could skype?_ Is Josh's question. Tyler bites the tip of his nail for a minute. He counts. Before he responds.

_Uh, yeah sure!_

They exchange usernames, Tyler's being his own name and Josh's being something ridiculous. SpookyJim. The same as his private youtube channel is Tyler's guess.

Tyler makes no effort to call him out on it when he picks up the skype call.

"No offence but you look like shit." Is the first thing Josh says when Tyler rehabilitates his phone so his face is visible.

He's on his bed, laptop in his lap, phone pulled away from his face, an arm behind his head for comfort.

Tyler groans and then laughs because he knows he does. "Thanks. Much appreciated."

Josh smiles, tongue poking out, eyes squinty, hair messy and in his face. He's clear now, Tyler's internet connection working perfectly.

Josh is in high definition, sitting by a window in a blue hoodie.

"So how's the army of hateful fans?" Tyler asks, breaking the silence.

Josh sighs, dramatically at that. "Pretty good? they've quieted down. The death threats have stopped." The last part is supposedly a joke but the frown that meets Josh's lips implies otherwise.

"I'm glad to hear it." Is all Tyler can think to say. Josh doesn't ignore him, he changes the subject in a blink of an eye, taking a deep sad sigh close to his phone.

"I'm also really lonely." He says, looking straight at Tyler before shuffling around. "Who knew that being an accessory in the act of cheating would mean losing most if not all of my friends."

Tyler hums in agreement. "I feel like the worst part is that you've also got a sex tape out there. Reposted for the thousands."

Josh frowns. "Did you watch it?"

"No."

"That's. That's good. Too many people I know have seen it. It's so embarrassing. I couldn't eat for a week after all that went down, panic attacks on the daily. Fucking lovely." Josh says. He's not rambling but anyone else would say otherwise.

"Lovely." Tyler repeats before he's biting in tongue and laughing. Josh raises an eyebrow in the camera, eyebrows furrowed as Tyler cups his mouth. "I'm sure you looked great though man."

Josh scoffs before breaking into laughter too, that has Tyler's body humming in something. "I sounded like a little bitch."

Tyler laughs again, he rolls onto his stomach, chin in the palm of his hand.

"Really?" He says.

"Yeah, really."

"On the bright side. You got laid."

Josh rolls his eyes, hiding half of his face with the sleeve of his sweater.

"That's one better than me." Tyler says. He's had sex once, it was all soft and him and his boyfriend we're blushing and awkward but it was sweet. Hands soft, mouths warm they as Tyler would say now "made love." The bed creaked, Tyler's eyes were wet and nobody was home. It was good.

His features are soft, fragile and he's exhausted but Josh ignores it. Tyler's stomach growls, he doesn't ignore it. he rolls out of bed.

"He wasn't even that good."

"I"m not surprised." Tyler shrugs, feet padding against the floor as he searches for a cold water bottle in his fridge. He places his phone on his kitchen counter for good measure as his hands search the fridge.

"I wasn't good either." He hears Josh sigh. Tyler wants to lighten the mood, he wants Josh smiling because then he can smile too. Profit off of somebody else's joy.

Water bottle under his armpit, locked between his rib cage and arm, two pieces of pre-chopped celeri thrown into his hoodies pocket he picks up his phone once more.

Tyler winks at the camera. "Highly doubt it."

Josh laughs, shuffling around his phone, the sound loud coming out of Tyler's speaker.

There's a pause of silence, previous subject dropped, gone, no longer important when Josh speaks next.

"What're you eating?" Josh asks, curiously. He must've heard Tyler opening and closing the fridge.

"Delicious celeri." Tyler says into the camera, eyes anywhere else as he turns back into his room.

Josh hums, he's nodding as Tyler plops back down into the furrow of plush blankets invading his bed. It's unclean, a complete mess but this is his day off, so an unclean bed and room is definitely allowed.

"I'm hungry too what do you suggest."

Food options invade Tyler's mind as he hesitantly takes a crunch out of one of his celeri sticks. He shoulders his pillows slightly, getting comfortable. He's humming, phone beside him. Josh is quiet, waiting a response.

Tyler moans at the thought he gets. A light bulb is above his head when he grabs his phone so he can see Josh again.

"Shit. Get like, a frosty from wendy's yeah?" He starts a lazy smile on his lips. Josh waits for more and Tyler won't deny him his idea of good food.

"And fries. A large fry though, you need to get large fries. Not a small one. Got it?"

Josh smiles. "Is that all?"

Tyler shakes his head, tongue caught between his teeth as he laughs. "You've gotta dip the fries in the frosty."

Josh groans, he's walking now. "That's gross."

"C'mon, do it for me. Please." Tyler pleads,he's smiling, celery stuck between his teeth but neither of them can tell.

"Fine, fine."

"I'm hanging up. You go to wendy's and send me a picture. I need to live my food fantasies out through you."

"Why don't you go to wendy's?"

Tyler looks down, eyes on his feet. "Just go, I've still got a some more videos of yours to watch."

Josh smiles and rolls his eyes. "C'ya."

He's gone. Tyler cries and Josh sends him a selfie, frosty covered fry in his mouth twenty minutes later.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimme feedback please. Also the reason this took so long to post is because I was too lazy to go through and italize.


	3. Chapter 3

 

His mom shows up on an afternoon where his head hurts, he's chalk full with 2 liters of ice cold water and a new vlog is in the process of being uploaded and processed. Josh's messages are buzzing his phone but he's busy. He's actually busy for once.

His mom is as supportive as she can be, she doesn't support him like he had originally hoped she would when he told her about his youtube channel but she helps him meet rent when youtube doesn't pull enough money in. Which is often but his mom likes helping him.

And she says it too, as a reminder. "I don't mind helping you with your rent but you've got to keep this place tidy for god's sake." She's cleaning for him, organizing his kitchen, putting away clean dishes and cleaning old ones. Always picking up after him whether he asked her to or not. Today he didn't ask her too, he hasn't asked her for help in years but she's still here.

She offers, he takes.

"I know." He says, arms folded over his torso. His mom sighs in annoyance as she clatters some plates into his cupboards with manicured nails.

"There's no food in here. Get yourself together Tyler." She mutters, shutting the fridge with a slam. Tyler flinches. Get himself together. He's okay. He's fine.

"You have been eating right?"

Tyler nods, wrapping his arms around himself, pressing his fingers against his rib cage. He can feel the outline of his bones, he gasps, shivering and leaves to go slide on another sweater.

She's back to cleaning, organizing, going towards his bathroom. Tyler follows behind her now, much gentler with his steps, much quieter.

"I was gonna go grocery shopping later today." He lies, his plans for later were to take a nap but he sees her relax just in the slightest and take a deep breath.

"Good, if you don't I will." He knows she will.

She's putting away his hair brush, taking loose strands out between the bristles and throwing them into the garbage can in the corner. Tyler frowns and she says nothing as she untangles a bigger clump of hair and throws it out. He gulps, swallowing saliva.

"You have money in your account?" She asks absentmindedly, still at work and Tyler wonders if she enjoys cleaning or if she just comes over to torture him and let him know he's awful.

"Yeah i'm fine." He shrugs and his mom nods before raising an eyebrow at him, arms crossed.

"Come on now. Help me clean, i'm not leaving until this place is spotless."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

He's dizzy.

  
*

A week goes by.

Tyler is cold, it's almost fall, just around the corner.

He hasn't talked to Josh, he wants to talk to Josh, he doesn't though.

He sits in his bed, hides beneath the covers and cries.

And Josh messages him. Hey

Then Tyler cries more and sets his phone on vibrate instead of muting Josh.

*

He hasn’t uploaded anything in two weeks.

So Tyler sets up a livestream, another one.

He crosses his legs and holds a cup of tea in between his fingers while his webcam adjusts to the lighting. It's dark in his bedroom, he has candles and a dimly lit lamp nearby sitting on his bedside table but it’s not enough.

He sits until the view count hits 100.

He reads comments and stops humming distractedly when he hits 200 views.

And he stops streaming when a comment in bold asking if he was okay flashes on his screen.

Apparently he looks tired. A corpse and he understands. His skin isn't vibrant, it's just the lighting, he looks tired, he just hasn't been sleeping well.

Apparently they think he isn't alright. He's fine, Tyler is fine.

"I'm okay."

There's some disbelief, a lot of it, he's lying apparently. Tyler Joseph isn't okay.

_Spookyjim: where have you been_

He ends the stream.

Tyler still hasn't talked to Josh.

*

It’s been two weeks.

Tyler can’t feel anything, he goes out on morning walks now with his camera around his neck.

And he takes pictures of the empty streets and the morning sunrise and sometimes the moon is still out and he’ll stare at it until his vision blurs and his legs give out.

And he’ll fall to the grass, shivering and Tyler will lie there until strength returns to his limbs.

He drinks tea after his morning walks while he syncs up new footage to his laptop that has too much dust stuck in between its keys.

And he tries to forget about Josh, he is undeserving of him.

*

He buys four things when his fridge actually runs dry and nothing in his pantry seems good enough. He doesn't listen to his mother that day she told him he needed food, today he obeys her demand.

Tyler spends days curled up and setting up pre-recorded videos to be uploaded.

It's freezing in the grocery store, it was freezing to walk there and it was even colder when he'd stepped in, leggings not warm enough on his thighs, big sweater practically falling off of his shoulders and thick socks covering his ankles and calves.

His chosen clothing isn't appropriate for the weather yet, even though it's the beginning of fall, the sun is out and blinding and he's shivering under layers and layers of warm winter clothes he'd dug out of his closet a month prior, because he needed to.

His hands squeeze until their white around the handles of his cart and he falls into a lazy pace as he searches the aisles reluctantly. He doesn't necessarily need food, he can survive without it is what he tells himself. He doesn't need much.

He checks out after ten minutes, shaky hands loading one item after the other to the cashier. She's short, bored, smacking gum loudly, she's probably judging him. Tyler bites his lip until it bleeds and tasted blood in his mouth.

One pack of low-sugar cherry jello, celery, a bag of apples and a pack of green tea. There's nothing special about any of these other then the fact that he would let them all rot in his fridge if he could.

This isn't something he wants to vlog. He vlogs the more interesting parts of his day, he vlogs the parts of his day that have him smiling. No matter how forced. He vlogs his walk home, one hand carefully holding his camera while the other holds the bag of groceries.

When he does get home he brews tea, when he gets home his hands shake and he calls Josh before tears threaten to wet his cheeks.

Josh picks up on the fifth ring and by then Tyler forgets why he was calling, but it's too late now.

Tyler says. "Hey."

There's noise on the other line. Is this weird? is calling him after ignoring him for days weird? Maybe he should've texted but Josh's smile can be heard through the speaker. This is a bad idea.

"Tyler!"

"Joshua." Tyler says. He hears Josh laugh over the line.

"Ew. Don't call me that dude."

This is fine. Josh doesn't care.

Tyler sips his tea, it's a little too hot. He smacks his lips. "I'll call you whatever I like."

"Go for it. Just don't be mad when I come up with my own names for you."

There's silence. Tyler chokes out a breath.

"You, you aren't mad are you?" He asks after what feels like too long.

Tyler thinks Josh is about to play stupid and say that he doesn't know what Tyler's talking about.

Josh doesn't do that, Tyler hears him readjust and Josh says. "You're under no obligation to talk to me. Warning might be nice next time you disappear for days though."

Tyler takes a breath, his head hurts. It was nearly two weeks, he doesn't know if that qualifies as a few days. "I can do that. I'm sorry, I don't really have an excuse. Maybe i'm just a mess."

"Hey dont worry. It's all good man and it's okay to be a mess sometimes."

Tyler wants to laugh. He's not sure that being a mess is okay. Because he doesn't think he's okay. He wonders if Josh is okay. He doesn't ask.

He scratches the light stubble on his chin, laying his palm against his jaw. "Thank you Joshua."

"God no."

"Would you rather me call you hot soup?"

Josh laughs again and Tyler smiles. "Why would you call me hot soup?"

"Okay, okay. I was on the Denny's tumblr a couple nights ago."

"Fuck. I love everything about that sentence."

Tyler hushes him. "Anyways. They." He laughs. "They had a post of pet names."

"Of course they did."

"One of them was hot soup."

Josh laughs. "That's cute."

There's some shuffling in Tyler's ear. Josh whispers into the mic. "Link me the post."

Tyler does. He keeps Josh on the line and sends him the link.

"None of these feel right for you."

"Yeah? It's probably since i gave you the best one."

"Sorry man. You're stuck being Tyler."

"That sucks."

Their dumb banter continues for an hour and Tyler ignores that Josh easily just made his day better and Josh ignores that Tyler had been ignoring him for days, weeks.

It didn't really matter.

*

By mid-october Josh and him talk everyday and Tyler doesn't ignore him anymore. They talk more then before. Just little things, sometimes they skype, sometimes they text into late hours of the night and sometimes Tyler asks what he should film and Josh's answer is always the same.

Josh always wants a song. He says. "Sing for me."

Tyler sings him a song. He sings multiple songs just for Josh and just because he'd asked.

Tyler's hands are too shaky, his extremities are cold, too cold to play the ukulele properly but he manages the chord progressions and he deals with his bloody finger tips.

He sings Josh five songs and posts them all on his channel, there's no dedication at the beginning of the videos.

His fingers bleed.

*

"Do you think I should get a cat?" Josh asks one day through skype, they’ve been doing this a lot lately.

Tyler's eyes flicker, he looks at his webcam. "Obviously you should get a cat, what kind of question is that?"

Josh frowns and Tyler can hear him typing into his computer. “I kind of want a dog though, I could adopt."

"Then get a dog, I've had neither."

Josh stops his scrolling and through the screen Tyler sees him roll his computer chair back. "You've never had a pet?"

He shakes his head, biting the tip of his finger. "No. Is that weird?"

Josh smiles, his hair wild and curly in the frame. “Not weird, more unbelievable."

“I don’t think I’m responsible enough for any animal. They’d probably starve, I’m not good with time management.”

Josh laughs and he’s back to scrolling. Tyler can’t look away from the screen. “Trust me, they’d remind you to feed them. Might eat you if you don’t.”

“Maybe I’ll get a hamster instead.”

“Or maybe a fish.”

Josh is concentrating on the screen but still says. “Then you’d definitely forget to feed him.”

Tyler rolls onto his back, laptop set onto his pillow. He stretches, arms articulated just as he hears Josh gasp. “I found him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My future dog.”

Tyler laughs, hand to his mouth. “Josh.”

“No, no listen, he’s an ESA dog and he’s up for adoption.”

“Is he cute?”

“Of course he’s cute, maybe not as cute as you but pretty close.”

Tyler is blushing. “Oh.”

Josh is too excited to notice, clearly reading off of a screen. “He’s a puppy, a golden retriever. Shit, I love him already.”

“Are you actually about to adopt a dog?”

Josh bites his tongue, leaning back in his chair and Tyler wishes he was there with him. “I don’t know, maybe? I’ll need to look more into it.”

“You should do it.”

“Yeah?”

Tyler nods, a small biting smiling. His stomach hurts. “For sure, as long as I can be his uncle Tyler.”

Josh looks euphorically happy, his smile everlasting, fingers in his curls, he leans back. “I’ll go to the adoption centre in a few days.”

Tyler smiles.

*

On a day where he deletes footage for a new vlog Tyler feels sick. Tyler feels like he's drowning and nothing is helping.

He went grocery shopping and on impulse boughten enough food to stock his fridge for month's. Walking to the cash register with a full cart of food felt shameful, moving each item onto the converter belt felt shameful and when the cashier asked. "Are you throwing a party or something?" Tyler felt like he couldn't breathe, he smiled and then he said yes.

He feels like he's eaten nearly all of it already and nothing is helping.

He deletes the vlog because the sound of a granola bar being opened makes him shiver, makes him almost cry because that's a sound he shouldn't ever hear in one of his videos.

He doesn't post a new video that day. He shivers underneath layers of blankets and decides to make a turn onto Josh's youtube channel to make him feel better. He considers calling Josh, listening to his gentle voice, laughing, smiling because Josh seems to have that affect on him.

He decides not too and instead finds himself watching a video titled; "boyfriend tag #1 | josh dun."

He hums when he finds it because he hasn't seen this one. It's maybe a year old.

Tapping on the screen with cold fingers he turns his phone so he can see properly. His room is just dark enough that there's no glare on his screen. He rests his phone almost on his chin at first but then sets it at a safe distance.

Josh's hair is blue here, faded an almost baby blue. Tyler likes it and when a guy enters the frame with his hair in a man bun and shaved sides Tyler blinks and purses his lips.

The Josh on screen is smiling, comfortable in a big sweater. "Hey guys it's Josh."

"And i'm Jon." Jon says, he's got a slight beard, he's good looking, Tyler can see why Josh liked him.

Josh pushes him, nudging his ribs with his elbow. "Shut up, lemme do my intro."

Jon rolls his eyes playfully, throwing an arm around Josh's shoulder. "Sorry." He says kissing Josh's cheek.

"Hey guys it's Josh and welcome back to my channel."

"This is my boyfriend Jon. Say hi."

"Hey."

The Josh on screen pecks his cheek this time and says. "And today we're doing the boyfriend tag. It should be fun, i'm going to ask him questions about me and he's going to ask me questions about him."

"Each time either one of us gets one right we get a point. I think. Whoever gets the most right wins the title of better boyfriend."

"I'm definitely the better boyfriend."

"You keep thinking that."

Tyler pauses the video. His stomach is full, he feels sick but without thinking he gets up sticking his phone between the waist band of his shorts and his hips.

He raids the kitchen grabbing a bag of chips and some grapes. His hands shake as he pours half the bag of chips into a silver bowl, the sound makes him nauseous and then the smell. He can smell how gross this is but he grabs the bowl and heads back to his room.

He gets under the covers, hesitantly dipping a chip into his mouth, fingers stained with some grease he presses play on Josh's video and skips ahead just slightly.

"What's my favourite colour?"

Jon hums, smiling. "It's orange." Tyler bites on the tip of a chip, it's salty, it's weird in his mouth. He eats it.

"Fine, you've got it."

"Now what's my favourite colour?"

"Easy it's green. Ha."

Tyler watches another minute before he decides he doesn't want to watch Josh and his ex-boyfriend. He wipes his hands off on his T-shirt and rolls onto his stomach.

*

His comment section becomes worried for him.

Tyler looks exhausted.

Tyler looks tired.

Tyler stutters and his videos are heavily edited.

Tyler disables comments and Tyler ignores Josh's messages asking if he's alright and focuses on the thousands of pictures Josh is sending of his new dog, jim.

*

They skype again on halloween. Tyler's on his laptop this time, sitting on his balcony on the swing. There's warm breeze but it feels cold. Josh has his phone on his dresser, tilted on a bottle of axe. He still hasn’t seen jim over skype yet, apparently he’s staying at one of Josh’s friends while he goes out.

Tyler's layered in thick sweatpants, his winter socks and two sweaters on top of eachother because he's always too cold. He wants to be warm, he imagines Josh is just that.

"So where you going?" Tyler asks curiously. He bites at his cuticles. Josh isn't wearing much, his attention is drawn to whatever clothing is laid out on his bed.

Josh hums in acknowledgement of Tyler's voice and Tyler wants to hear him.

"A party."

"A party?"

"I can't just stay cooped up." Josh says as he pulls a worn skeleton sweater over his head. Tyler has one just like it.

Tyler says nothing and Josh raises an amused eyebrow at his phone.

He continues. "Partying used to be my thing. Every weekend."

"I've never been to a party."

Josh approaches his phone and gets close, way too close to the front camera. "You're kidding."

Tyler laughs. "Nope."

Josh groans moving back, stretching his arm up and over his head. "When I come down i'm bringing you out to a party."

Tyler smiles at the reminder. "Thanksgiving right?"

Josh nods and falls into his bed letting his arms hold his phone above his face. "Do you have plans?"

Tyler brings his laptop on top of his knees, the angle is weird. His laptop is overheating, burns just a bit. He figures he's been it on it for twenty minutes too long. It probably needs to cool down.

"I don't. I hate Thanksgiving."

Josh looks at him, not believing him. "So you don't hang out with family or anything?"

"Nope. I go over for my birthday though which is right after so my parents don't care. They just want to see me."

Josh nods. "I guess that makes up for it."

"Wait dude. When I do come down we should definitely do something together if you don't want to party, I’ll probably be bringing Jim with me. You can meet him.”

Tyler doesn't miss a beat and is smiling before saying. "I'd like that."

Josh smiles too and he gets up again and balances his phone against something else this time. Tyler watches him walk around his room and touch everything. He's rushing, he's pulling on his shoes and Tyler can't help but worry in even just the slightest.

"Hey Josh." His voice cracks and Josh perks up and walks over, grabbing his phone again.

"Yeah?"

"You're not going out alone are you?"

Josh smiles. "My sisters meeting me there."

Tyler sighs in relief. He doesn't know why he's so nervous.

"Okay good. Text me tomorrow. Tell me all about your hangover."

Josh rolls his eyes. "Bye Tyler. Also i'm holding you to hanging out after Thanksgiving."

"It's gonna happen."

Tyler falls asleep happy.

*

Tyler feels hollow when he sets up today's video it's Josh had texted him once when he'd gotten home. A simple; I'm not dead!

That didn't change the fact he was scared.

*

Tyler's video flow becomes slower. It goes nearly unnoticed by his followers.

Tyler for sure notices, he notices when pulling out his camera requires too much energy and he notices when he’s stumbling out of bed in the mornings, vision blacking out for a few seconds.

He notices when his whole body hurts and his voice rasps.

He notices when he gets comments to fix his uploading schedule.

Josh notices too. He texts him.

_Are you doing okay man? We haven't talked lately_

_Yeah I'm doing okay, I've just been busy don't worry_

He doesn't bring it up though. Tyler is glad.

He can't bring himself to record more than once a week. If he isn't in bed he's on the couch huddled up with warm woollen blankets and green bitter tea.

The tea is warmer then he is, it's room temperature maybe and he feels like his throat is burning.

He feels fuzzy and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really have an update schedule yet but so far it’s looking like every other week, which seems long tbh. Hope you liked this chapter though!

**Author's Note:**

> Updates are gonna be once-twice a week and tags will be updated frequently so stay on the look out because I don’t want anybody to get triggered. 
> 
> ANYWAYS IM HAPPY IM FINALLY POSTING IT, hopefully it’s not too crappy.


End file.
